You’re grieving. You’re overwhelmed. But when people ask how they can help, you draw a blank

Are flowers and casseroles what you really want when you’re grieving? Probably not. Here’s how to get the invaluable support you need after a loss. I’ll never forget a conversation I had with my friend Alison the week after my husband died. I had just moved from the UK to Canada, and was getting set up in a hastily booked apartment. Alison asked me what I needed. “Nothing,” I said, unable to think straight about much of anything. “Do you have any sheets to sleep on tonight?” she asked. “No,” I said. “How about plates or utensils or food?” she continued. “No, I don’t have those either.” We laughed, and Alison proceeded to do the thinking for me. I was lucky.

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How I learned to help the grieving one text message at a time

On my flight home from my friend's funeral, I thought about the fear and discomfort that had kept people from reaching out when my husband died a decade earlier. Their distance had hurt me, but I now knew that it had hurt them too. For over a decade, people I cared very much about had been carrying around guilt and shame. It all seemed so unnecessary. I knew we could do better.

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