If you don't feel safe, call or text 988 any time. If you're in immediate danger, call 911.

Breathing

Slow your exhale

A long exhale is one of the quickest ways to let your nervous system know it's safe to slow down.

How to try it:

• Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4.
• Breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of 6 to 8. Let your jaw drop and sigh it out.
• Keep going for 2 to 3 minutes.

Try a double sigh

A long exhale is one of the quickest ways to let your nervous system know it's safe to slow down.

How to try it:

• Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4.
• Breathe out slowly through your mouth for a count of 6 to 8. Let your jaw drop and sigh it out.
• Keep going for 2 to 3 minutes.

Temperature

Put cold water on your face

Cold on your face sets off a reflex that slows your heart rate, often within seconds. It's one of the fastest ways to bring a spike of panic down. Skip this one if you have a heart condition.

How to try it:

• Fill a sink or bowl with cold water.
• Take a breath, hold it, and lower your face into the water for 15 to 30 seconds.
• If that's too much, press a cold, wet washcloth over your eyes and cheeks instead.
• Repeat once or twice if you need to.

Find some warmth

Warmth helps your muscles loosen and gives your body a feeling of comfort. It's a gentler shift than cold, and good for when you feel shaky or depleted.

How to try it:

• Wrap both hands around a warm mug and notice the heat in your palms.
• Rest a heating pad or warm towel on your chest, belly, or the back of your neck.
• Take a warm shower and let the water hit your shoulders.

Movement

Take a short walk

Walking gives stress and overwhelm somewhere to go, and your breathing and heart rate slow down as you keep going.

How to try it:

• Walk for 5 to 10 minutes, inside or out. Laps around the house count.
• Let your arms swing loosely.
• If you're outside, notice what's around you: trees, sky, the sound of traffic or birds.

Move hard for one minute

When you feel on edge and can't sit still, a short burst of movement can burn off that surge of energy. Skip this one if you have a heart condition.

How to try it:

• For 30 to 60 seconds, climb stairs, do jumping jacks, march fast in place, or push hard against a wall.
• Stop and take a few slow breaths.

Connection

Spend a few minutes with an animal

Petting a dog or cat can help lower stress hormones in as little as ten minutes. Their warmth and steady breathing give your body something calm to sync with.

How to try it:

• Sit with your pet and use slow, steady strokes.
• Notice the texture of their fur, their warmth, the rise and fall of their breathing.
• If you don't have a pet, a friend's animal or even a video of one can help.

Reach out to someone safe

Your nervous system calms faster around people who feel safe. Even a short call can shift how your body feels.

How to try it:

• If someone you trust is nearby, ask for a hug and let it last longer than usual.
• If no one's around, call or text someone. Something as simple as "I'm having a hard moment, can you talk for a few minutes?" is enough.
• If you can, choose a voice call over texting. Hearing a familiar voice helps.

Self-soothing

Tense, then release

Tensing a muscle on purpose and then letting go helps your body feel the difference and soften.

How to try it:

• Make tight fists. Hold for 5 seconds, then let go and notice the release for 10 seconds.
• Pull your shoulders up toward your ears. Hold, then drop them.
• Scrunch your whole face. Hold, then let it go slack.
• Repeat with any area that feels like it's holding the most tension.

Hum

Humming slows your exhale, and it can help lower your heart rate and stress.

How to try it:

• Take a comfortable breath in.
• Hum on a long, slow exhale, using a low note that feels easy.
• Notice where you feel the vibration.
• Keep going for a minute or two, or hum a song you know well.

Mental offloading

Give your brain a puzzle

When your thoughts are racing, or the same images keep replaying, shifting your focus to a simple task can give your mind a break.

How to try it:

• Play Tetris or a similar block puzzle game on your phone for 10 minutes.
• Pick a category and name as many things in it as you can: dog breeds, cities that start with B, every song by one artist.
• Count backward from 100 by 5s or 10s. If you lose your place, start again from wherever you are.

Do a brain dump

Write down every worry or racing thought. Once it's on paper, it's easier to see what needs you right now and what can wait.

How to try it:

• Grab paper or open the notes app on your phone.
• Set a timer for 5 minutes.
• Write down everything on your mind, in any order, without sorting or fixing.
• When the timer ends, circle one thing to deal with right now and leave the rest.

Making these work for you

Try a few together

These tools often work better stacked. A few pairings to start with:

• Cold water on your face, then a few double sighs
• A short walk, then a call to someone you trust
• A brain dump, then a minute of humming
• A warm mug in your hands while you slow your exhale

What works can change

Something that helped last week might not help today. That's normal. Your body, your day, and what you're carrying are different each time. If one tool doesn't work, try another.

Practice when you're calm

These work best when they're familiar. Try one or two for a few minutes on an ordinary day, when you're feeling fine. The more you practice, the easier they are to reach for when you need them.

Losing a sibling can be challenging beyond words.

While we often think of primary caregivers as essential to child development and attachment, sibling relationships can also foster meaningful core belief and values for us. Sibling relationships can be complex, strong, and create lasting memories. For siblings close in age, there’s a connection in developmental milestones and similarities. When there is distance in sibling ages, there’s opportunity for familial roles and caregiving to be present. And when non-direct sibling relationships (e.g., friends, cousins, classmates) are created throughout our lifetime, bonds are formed through experiences, laughs, hardships, and connections.

When a sibling dies, it's not just the physical separation. It's also the removal of daily moments. The calls, texts, laughs, and reassurances go away. It’s the conversations that only your sibling would understand, that are lost. For adults, losing a sibling means losing a retirement buddy, support taking care of aging parents, and the ability to recall and share childhood memories. For children and adolescents, losing a sibling young can create losing a playmate and someone to read stories and share childhood with. Losing a sibling at a young age also means growing older without having someone to share in the big moments.

If you're grieving the loss of a sibling, know that all moments, big and small, can bring forth a range of grief reactions and responses. Grief can often feel controlling and overpowering, but help is out there, and it is you who's in control. Do your best to seek support that resonates for you, and can help you get through those unspeakable moments.

Dr. Jillian Blueford can be reached for collaboration, consultation, and clinician supervision (Colorado), at jillianmblueford@gmail.com or https://www.jillianblueford.com/

This contribution is dedicated to my aunt Inez and uncle Andre, who have grieved a major sibling loss with lots of love and grace.

Grief is expensive. It's also common but many health plans don't realize what bereavement is costing them. To make these hidden costs visible, the team at Help Texts created a tool that health plans can use to model bereavement’s financial impacts. With just member numbers, the Bereavement Cost Calculator from Help Texts will estimate a health plan’s: ● Projected Per Member Per Month (PMPM) cost increase after bereavement ● Total cost impact of grief when no intervention is provided ● Estimated savings when plans provide Help Texts’ clinically sound, scalable, grief support for bereaved members

Host Dr. Mary Pardee spoke with Emma Payne, founder of Help Texts, in this episode of the Modrnmed podcast. They discuss the realities of grief, how to support someone who is grieving, and the transformative impact loss can have on our lives. The episode covers: -The four tasks of mourning and acute grief risks -What language to use and avoid with those suffering -Practical ways to support grieving friends and family -The importance of social connection during bereavement -Common mistakes in grief support (and how to avoid them) -How grief can lead to positive life changes -Building resilience for future losses -Help Texts service and grief-informed texting

This can be especially hard if Halloween used to be a fun holiday for you, or one you shared with the person who died. If you find yourself not in the mood this year, that's okay. You don't have to celebrate the way you used to, and you don't owe anyone an explanation.

Some ways to get through it

There's no correct way to spend the day. You can celebrate, or not, however it feels right for you. You can:

Skip it. Turn the porch light off. Order dinner out. Watch something that has nothing to do with the holiday. You're allowed to opt out entirely, even if you used to love this day.

Scale it down. Hand out candy for twenty minutes instead of three hours. Go to one small gathering instead of three. You don't have to choose between all in and all out.

Build in a private ritual. Light a candle before the trick-or-treaters start. Pass out your person's favorite candy. Dress as their favorite character or in one of their old costumes. Or, if you choose not to do the whole Halloween thing, stay in and cook their favorite meal.

Say something to the people around you. "We lost my son this year, and Halloween's rough for us." Most people will show more sensitivity once they know. You don't have to explain further than that.

Protect your feed. Mute Halloween content if it's everywhere and it's bothering you. Or stay off social media for the day. You don't need to see every costume post today.

Halloween may look different next year. You might feel up to handing out candy and smiling at costumes again, or you might not, and both are fine. For this year, getting through the day is enough.

So many of us don't know how to support someone who has lost a friend. Emma Payne has been developing mobile technology her entire career, and decided to start Grief Coach. You can learn more about her work at https://grief.coach/ Shereese Maynard, MS MBA is an expert in policy strategy and serial entrepreneur. Payne was asked to speak at a funeral, in front of people she hadn't seen in years. She hadn't seen them since her husband died by suicide, and she had wondered why for ten years. The entire visit, people said that when her husband died, they had no idea what they should say. She realized that the waiting without saying anything was a mistake. Payne had years of technology development experience, and started Grief Coach. Grief Coach is available worldwide, and thanks to a partnership with Sue Ryder, free in the UK.

There’s a movement afoot, and as the new broadway beetlejuice show suggests; It’s all about death. From death cafes and death over dinner, to the surge in new netflix shows like dead to me and after life, new life is pouring into old conversations about death.

What you do in the days and weeks after their loss matters, and your employee will remember it. Managers and employees often describe workplace support differently. Managers tend to talk about leave policies and coverage. Employees talk about understanding, empathy, and having someone available. Both matter, and this guide helps you offer both.

Why grief support at work matters

Grief doesn't stay home. When an employee experiences a major loss, it shows up in their work, their wellbeing, and their decision about whether to stay.

• 76% of bereaved employees say their work performance suffered after the death.
• 42.7% say they seldom or never received support from their manager.
• 44.6% have tried to suppress their emotions at work.
• 79% consider quitting their jobs after a major loss because of limited support.

The 3C framework: Connect, Collaborate, Cultivate

The Connect, Collaborate, Cultivate framework gives you the same three steps for every phase of the first year, so you can offer real support without overthinking it. Work through them in order. Compassion comes first, and operational needs get handled throughout rather than up front.

1. Connect (manager to employee): Show compassion first. Nothing operational until the death has been acknowledged.
2. Collaborate (manager and employee together): Work out what needs to happen, covering personal needs as well as professional ones.
3. Cultivate (manager and the team): Help everyone else show up in a way that actually helps.

The framework covers four phases, each one a moment in the first year that employees and teams find hardest:

• At notification, before bereavement leave
• Preparing to come back to work
• Returning to work
• Long-term follow-up, through the first anniversary

Want to keep this guide on hand? Download the free Supporting a Grieving Employee checklist and print it off, so you have every step and script ready when you need it.

Phase 1: When you first hear the news

Connect: Acknowledge the loss first

Offer your condolences.

"I heard that [name or relation] died. Losing someone can be so hard. I wanted to personally give you my condolences and offer to sit with you and hold space right now."

Then pause.

Let them choose what happens next.

"What would be most helpful to you right now: sharing a bit more about what happened, or working through some of the work-related bereavement logistics together?"

Follow their answer. The practical conversation can happen right away or after they're done sharing.

If they want to talk, ask about the person rather than the death.

"What was [name or relation] like? How was your relationship?"

Listen without filling the pauses. Hold back reassurance, and avoid phrases like "at least," "everything happens for a reason," or "you're strong." Don't assume the relationship was close or easy.

If they don't want to talk, move to the practical side when they're ready.

"I understand it can be hard to talk about it right now. Let me help you with the operational things."

Collaborate: Work out the logistics together

Start by understanding what's weighing on them most.

"What's something work-related that's worrying you most right now?"

Personal needs to cover:

• PTO and bereavement leave. Check whether your policy covers this relationship. If it doesn't, do your best to work something out.
• Travel time, and whether they'll want time after the service as well as before it.
• Bereavement benefits, EAP details, and other support resources. Send these once, in a single message.
• Whether they want to hear from you while they're away, and through which channel.
• A touch-base before they come back.

"I can check in by phone or text while you're away, and you don't need to respond. Would that be okay, or would you prefer to go offline entirely? Both are okay."

"Before you come back, I'd like to connect so we can plan around your preferences for returning to work."

Professional needs to cover:

• Reallocate their work while they're away, and record who has what.
• Ask about pressing deadlines or deliverables that need to be on someone's radar.
• Confirm what the team will be told, and who will tell them.
• Agree on a return date, and let them know it can be flexible.
• Turn off on-call, system alerts, and calendar invitations.
• Write down the name or relationship of the person who died and the date of the death. You'll need this for Phase 4.

Cultivate: Prepare your team

• Tell the team only what the employee approved, and say whether reaching out to them is welcome.
• Ask colleagues about task-sharing, assign coverage, and track who's covering what.
• Give the team a few condolence messages they can use.

"I heard that [name or relation] died. I've been thinking about you ever since."

"Sending you my deepest condolences on the loss of [name or relation]. Thinking of you and your family today. No reply needed."

Decide together whether the manager or a staff-appointed lead will send a condolence card from everyone, send a meal gift card or coordinate a meal drop-off, or send flowers or a donation to a charity of the family's choice.

Standardize your bereavement response. Whatever you do for one employee, do for every employee. If you send a meal card for one loss, send it for all of them. When the response varies, it signals that some losses matter more than others.

Phase 2: Preparing to come back to work

Connect: Start with them, not with work

A few days before they return, reach out and lead with how they're doing.

"Hi [name]. Before we jump into a return-to-work conversation, I wanted to start by just touching base. I've been wondering how you've been holding up lately, and how the funeral was for you."

Then pause. This invites them to start with their grief rather than logistics.

Listen until they reach a natural stopping point, then validate what you heard before moving on.

"Thank you for sharing more about the past few weeks. I know coming back to work doesn't mean you're no longer grieving. Grief will be present on most days, so my goal is to work with you on a plan that eases you back in."

Jot down anything important.

Collaborate: Build the return plan

Ask whether a phased or full return suits them better.

"I want to make sure you have the flexibility you need. Some people like to jump right back in, but that can be stressful, so many prefer a staggered approach where we build the workload back up over time. Which sounds best to you?"

Tell them how the first day will begin so nothing is a surprise.

"When you come back, you and I will block the first hour or so together to build the work plan."

Personal needs to decide on this call:

• Whether they want their return acknowledged openly by the group or individually. Both are okay.
• Anything they'd rather the team didn't ask them about.
• The private spaces available to them if they need a break.

Professional needs, the agenda for their first hour back:

• The first week's workload, agreed together and written down.
• One or two priorities that genuinely matter, and what can wait.
• Which meetings and accounts to step back into, and which to hold off on a little longer.
• Who keeps the shared work, and how the employee takes pieces back over time.
• A written summary of what happened while they were away.
• When system access, calendar, and on-call get turned back on.
• How they can step out of a meeting or take a moment on a hard day.
• Permission to block their calendar as busy for estate paperwork, probate, or closing bank accounts, which often have to happen during business hours.
• Whether they want regular check-ins over the first month.
• A reminder of available support resources. Give them a printed list.

"If something hits you during the day, you can step out of anything without explaining yourself. I'll cover it."

Cultivate: Get the team ready

• Ask colleagues who covered projects to write a summary of what was done, and pull it into one document.
• Encourage colleagues to meet with the employee to give a verbal update and answer questions.
• If the employee named topics they'd rather not be asked about, make sure the team knows.
• Share the return date and only what the employee approved, including whether they want their return acknowledged.
• Let the team know task-sharing continues through the first month, and that the employee will take work back gradually based on their plan.
• Give the team a few ideas for what to say on the first day.

"It's good to see you. I've been thinking about you."

"No need to talk about anything at all. I just wanted to say I'm glad you're back. I can make time today if you want to catch up."

Phase 3: The first day back

Connect: Be there first thing

Be there at the start of the day, and ask about them before anything work-related.

"I'm really glad you're back. Before we get into anything at all, how are you holding up this morning?"

Getting through the door is often the hardest part of the first day, and their answer tells you how much to ask of them.

Then say out loud that today doesn't have to go well, even if you already agreed to this on the phone. Permission given on a call rarely feels real once someone is back in the building.

"Nothing has to feel normal today. If you need to step out of anything at any point, you can, and you don't need to give a reason."

Collaborate: Use the first hour to build the plan

"Let's use this hour to put your plan together. Nothing we decide today is set in stone, and we can adjust it along the way."

Personal needs: confirm what may have changed since your call.

• Whether they want their return acknowledged by the group or individually.
• Any topics they'd rather not be asked about, and whether that's changed.
• Where the private spaces are if they need a break.
• What resources are available to them.

Professional needs: the work plan.

• Give a verbal and written update on what happened with their work while they were away.
• Encourage them to meet with the colleagues who covered for them.
• Stagger taking back tasks across this week and next, agreed together and written down.
• Confirm one or two priorities that genuinely matter, and what can wait.
• Turn system access, calendar, and communication channels back on.
• Remind them they can step out of a meeting or take a moment whenever they need to.
• Remind them they can block their calendar for personal matters like estate paperwork or probate.
• Agree on how often they want check-ins, and book them now.
• Book an end-of-week check-in.

"What was hardest this week, and what should we change for next week?"

Then adjust the plan with them.

Cultivate: Keep the team human-centred

• Remind the team how the employee would like to be greeted and approached.
• Ask colleagues who covered the employee's work to make time to share important updates.
• Remind the team to check in first, then move to tasks.

"I'm glad you're back. I've been thinking about you. How are you managing right now?"

"Before we get into work things, can we just touch base on how you're doing?"

Let the team know their colleague may be forgetful, easily overwhelmed, or tearful for weeks to months. This is normal. Encourage patience and gentle reminders, especially in the first few weeks, and invite the team to come to you if they need more support or guidance.

Phase 4: Long-term follow-up through the first anniversary

Set these reminders now

Using what you recorded in Phase 1, add these to your calendar:

• Check-ins at month one, month three, and month six.
• The first anniversary of the death.
• The birthday of the person who died, only if the employee shared it.
• The first holiday season, which can be especially hard for anyone heading into it with someone missing.

Connect: Keep it personal

Open every check-in with the person, not the work.

"I wanted to check in, and not about work. How have things been for you these past few weeks?"

Pause and listen. Check-ins should feel relational first and operationally helpful at the end.

Acknowledge meaningful dates as they arrive.

"I know this week would have been [name or relation]'s birthday. I've been thinking about you and your family."

Only do this for dates they shared with you, and don't go looking for them. You don't need to remember these dates year after year, but doing it in the first year matters a great deal.

Mark the one-year anniversary instead of letting it pass.

"I know what this week is. A year doesn't mean the grief is gone. Grief has no finish line. I'm still here."

Offer the day off in advance rather than waiting to be asked, and send a card or personal note. About two weeks beforehand, share resources on getting through a first anniversary, like our guide on how to get through your first death anniversary.

Collaborate: Three check-ins across the year

Month one: Are they managing a full workload?

"Let's start with a grief check-in. What's been hard for you lately?"

Then:

"You're carrying your full workload again. Is that feeling manageable? If not, can we come up with some ideas together for what might help between now and our next check-in?"

Find out whether the workload is genuinely manageable or only restored on paper, whether any shared tasks should come back to them or stay shared, and whether check-ins should continue at this frequency or move to quarterly.

Month three: Expect more strain, not less.

Around this point, outside support tends to fall away and grief often deepens.

"Around three months is usually when family and friends start checking in less, and grief often gets harder rather than easier. I want to check in on how you're doing and whether you feel you have enough support around you."

Watch for absenteeism, presenteeism, and decreased productivity, and name them as grief rather than performance issues. Re-offer flexibility rather than waiting for them to ask.

Month six: Rebuild the plan.

The original plan is six months old now. Rebuild it rather than simply reviewing it.

"We built this plan six months ago. What's working for you now, and is there anything we should change?"

Do a full workload review. If performance has declined, open it as a support conversation and say so plainly.

"I've noticed the last few weeks have looked harder. This isn't a performance conversation. What would help?"

Remind them of the resources available to them. Grieving employees need to hear about their support options many times throughout the year.

Cultivate: Help the team stay the course

• Remind the team that the first holidays without the person are often hard.
• Let the team know the anniversary is coming, if the employee agreed to that.
• Remind the team that absenteeism, presenteeism, and lower productivity are common in the first year after a significant loss, and encourage grace and kindness.
• Keep the employee included in the same work and social activities they were part of before.
• Give the team examples of what to say on the anniversary.

"Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you today. I know [name] is missed every day, and a little extra today."

"It's hard to imagine it's been a year since [name] died. I'd love to see a photo or hear a memory, if you're up for that."

The checklist ends here. Grief doesn't.

Help Texts is a text-based mental health and grief support solution that gives employees personalized, expert support during the life events traditional benefits often miss. Support arrives directly by text, with no app, appointments, or waitlist.

Help Texts is designed to complement your existing EAP, behavioural health, and wellbeing benefits, extending support beyond the traditional point of care. Core areas of support include grief and bereavement, mental health and emotional wellbeing, caregiver support, healthcare worker burnout and compassion fatigue, pregnancy loss, pet loss, and life transitions including divorce and menopause.

Learn how Help Texts supports your employees or email info@helptexts.com.

Want to keep this guide on hand? Download the free Supporting a Grieving Employee checklist and print it off, so you have every step and script ready when you need it.

Grief Coach founder, Emma Payne, contributed to this New York Times article about grandparents & grief. The writer says "grief isn’t too strong a word for those grandparents who have yearned all year for a small hand in theirs, for a hug without fear."

71% of families choose a funeral home based on experience or referral. The question is: are you giving them a reason to remember you in the months after the service ends?

In an industry where meaningful connection is everything, text-based grief support is transforming how funeral homes provide ongoing care to families. This article explores how Help Texts: ▪️Offers timely, personalized support when grievers need it most ▪️Validates grief experiences and reduces isolation ▪️Provides practical coping strategies beyond emotional support ▪️Remembers special dates when others have moved on ▪️Creates a non-intrusive support system that grievers can engage with at their own pace As is always the case at Help Texts, the most powerful testaments come from grievers themselves: "When it feels like everybody else has forgotten my dad, Help Texts remembers." "It's been 6 months since my mom died. It feels like everybody's kind of forgotten and expects me to have moved on... some days the grief still feels very heavy."

A confluence of mental health and grief expert contributors, including therapists, nurses, doctors, authors, researchers and end-of-life professionals, have launched a text-based tool that they say can help address clinician burnout and fatigue.

Professional and community support during bereavement is in short supply and can be difficult to access. Only a minority of grievers are extremely satisfied with the support they receive. Researchers and bereavement professionals are seeking innovative low-cost, high-reach forms of support to meet grievers’ needs. This presentation will report on the acceptability and helpfulness of Grief Coach, an ongoing, expert, text-based grief support service, among bereaved family members who accessed the service as a hospice benefit. The findings, based on survey data, inbound texts, and one-on-one interviews, suggest that hospice-bereaved family members appreciate the service and find it helpful.

Hospices are facing significant staff shortages and worker fatigue, both of which may impact quality of care. Staff shortages are especially problematic in the delivery of bereavement support. Hospice providers have been calling for innovative approaches to meet the demands for bereavement services. This session will describe a text-based program for delivering ongoing expert bereavement support that can minimize staff burden and transform care. We will provide an overview of the program, data on program helpfulness and retention, and implementation strategies.

Empathia, Inc. has partnered with Help Texts to further expand the support options available to its members. Help Texts is a secure, private, and easy way to get meaningful grief support when dealing with a loss.

The good news is that the only response most grieving employees describe as painful is silence. Everything else is a matter of degree. There are acceptable responses, better ones, and the responses grieving people themselves say helped most. You get closer to the third kind with practice.

Acceptable: what most people say

These are the standard condolences, and there is nothing wrong with them. Each one acknowledges the loss, which is more than many grieving employees receive.

• “I am deeply sorry to hear about your loss.”
• “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
• “Let me know if you need anything.”

What they have in common is that the effort sits with the grieving person. When you say you are sorry, most people respond by reassuring you that they are okay, which is rarely true. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” is a statement rather than an invitation, so it gives them no opening to say more. And “let me know if you need anything” asks them to build a list of ways you could help and bring it to you, which few people in early grief can manage.

Better: how to provide meaningful connection and support

A better response carries the condolence without requiring an answer, and it gives the person something real, whether that is an open door or a task taken off their desk.

• “I wanted to send my condolences to you and your family.” This acknowledges the loss and asks for nothing in return.
• “I’m thinking of you today, no need to respond. I’ll check back in again soon, but I’m around this afternoon if you want to talk.” This is a check-in with an offer to hold space for their grief, and they can take it up now or days later.
• “I was saddened to hear about your father. I moved your deadlines and Priya is covering the Tuesday call, so nothing is waiting on you. I would like to hear about him when you feel like talking.” This combines connection with support. The person is looked after practically and invited to talk about their father.

In all three, the effort sits with you rather than with them. You name the loss, and you make the next step concrete, so connection and practical help arrive together instead of one without the other. That pairing is what the C.A.R.E. model of workplace bereavement support recommends, and one short message can carry it.

Preferred: what grieving people say helps most

When you talk to grieving people themselves, the same themes emerge about what actually helped. A survey of more than 1,100 employees and managers found that employees valued understanding, empathy, and availability from the people around them, while their managers focused on leave policies. Informal support was both more common and more often preferred than formal provisions.

They want to be asked rather than guessed about

Some people want work as a distraction and others need time away, so ask instead of deciding for them. Make the question answerable too, because “how are you?” has no honest short answer after a death. Try: “How are you doing today? Would it help to talk, or would you rather I take things off your plate this week?”

They want to hear the name of the person who died

Most grieving people want to talk about the person and have concluded nobody at work wants to hear it. Try: “I would love to know more about your mother. When you're ready, maybe you can share more on our break or over lunch?”

They want to stop performing

In that same survey, 44.6% said they had tried to suppress their emotions at work. If someone cries in front of you, try: “There is no need to apologize. I am okay with your tears.” Then stop talking, hold space, and listen.

Mark the first year in your calendar

Every touchpoint matters, not only the first one. Since none of us can reliably remember these dates, put them in your calendar. Add a check-in a couple of weeks after the person returns, at least 2 check-ins per quarter across the first year. Then mark bigger holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas and the first anniversary of the death, which is often one of the hardest days of the year and the one almost no colleague acknowledges.

None of this has to feel formal. Employees consistently say they want steady, ordinary connection from the people they work with rather than templates and required steps that feel cold.

What grieving people say they never want to hear

These are the responses grievers themselves report as unwelcome. Even these are recoverable, but worth retiring.

• “At least they aren't suffering.” Any sentence beginning with “at least” tells the person their loss is not as bad as it feels. It also tries to silver-line the grief experience.
• “They're in a better place now.” This assumes your beliefs are theirs and can get in the way of your employee seeking support from you.
• “Time heals all wounds” or “it gets better in time.” These put the person on a timeline they did not choose and for some people may not meet.
• “Stay strong.” This asks the person to hide what they feel, which grieving employees already spend a lot of energy doing.
• “I know exactly how you feel.” This reduces their experience to something that resembles your own experience, which may not be accurate.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

What is the best thing to say to a grieving employee?

Send your condolences and name one thing you have already handled. “I wanted to send my condolences to you and your family. I moved your Thursday deadline, so nothing is waiting on you.” Then check in again later.

Is it wrong to say “I am sorry for your loss”?

It is not wrong, and it is far better than silence. It does put the grieving person in the position of answering you, and most respond by reassuring you they are okay when they are not. “My condolences” means the same thing without asking for a reply.

Do you want help supporting your grieving employees?

Help Texts sends personalized grief support by text, tailored to the relationship, the cause of death, and the dates that matter. Texts are written by grief and mental health experts, available in 29 languages, and delivered across a full year. We even have support for managers who are supporting grieving employees.

Schedule a time to connect with our team to learn more.

Understanding Suicide's Impact

Grief after suicide is uniquely challenging, often accompanied by intense feelings of guilt, shame, anger, shock, and often a lot of unanswered questions. The societal stigma surrounding suicide can further complicate the grieving process, increasing feelings of isolation and loneliness. The ripple effect of a single suicide is profound, affecting an average of 135 people (Cerel et al., 2018). These individuals may face an increased risk of mental health challenges and suicidal thoughts themselves. Some research suggests that those bereaved by suicide have a suicide risk up to 3x higher than the general population (Jang et al., 2022). Additionally, 25% of young people who die by suicide had been previously or recently bereaved (Rodway et al., 2022).

The Importance of Postvention

While prevention often focuses on education, awareness, and immediate intervention, postvention is equally vital. Postvention refers to support provided to those bereaved by suicide loss and is something our team at Help Texts is deeply committed to making available to anyone grieving the suicide of a loved one. Help Texts for Grief includes personalized texts designed to provide comfort, understanding, and coping strategies for those grieving a suicide loss. Help Texts for Health & Well-being is a service that offers tips and resources for well-being, with discreet add-on options for people struggling to cope with thoughts of suicide.

Remember, if someone is actively suicidal, stay with them, remove lethal means, and secure extra support. If you or someone you love needs immediate support, call or text 988 in the US/Canada, or call local warmlines or hotlines in your area. You're not alone.

About Help Texts

Help Texts is the world's leading clinically sound, scalable, bereavement intervention. We deliver affordable, multilingual support globally via text message for all of life's toughest moments. With extraordinary acceptability (95%) and 6-month retention (90%) rates, Help Texts' light-weight solution makes it easy for employers, providers, payers, and others to improve health and community outcomes, while also realizing significant cost savings for those in their care.

Life can be hard. Getting support shouldn't have to be. 💙 Help Texts is proud to be delivering personalized, expert grief and mental health support in 59 countries and 28 languages. All year long.

"I am privileged to walk alongside patients and their families as they navigate the complexities of serious illness," Tracey shares. "My role is to understand their unique goals and values, empowering them to shape their care journey. It's a profound experience that requires empathy, expertise, and a deep commitment to human connection."

As much as she loves the work, Tracey acknowledges that working in healthcare, especially with patients and families during serious illness, can take a significant toll on the well-being of her fellow PAs. "We're also humans facing the same challenges as everyone else,” she says.

Many healthcare institutions fall short in providing adequate support to address burnout, fatigue, and overall well-being, and the stigma surrounding mental health within the medical profession often prevents PAs from seeking help, so Tracey was happy to discover support from Help Texts in 2023, an innovative text-based service offering accessible, confidential, and convenient support via text message. Tracey first used Help Texts to get grief support for herself, her husband, and sister-in-law. "We regularly texted after receiving messages to remark how timely they were, coming at just the right time and providing just the right amount of support,” she says.

After having a positive experience with Help Texts grief support, Tracey was then pleased to learn the company also offers a full year of support for healthcare workers facing burnout & fatigue, as well as support for caregivers caring for a loved one with a terminal illness.

“Help Texts isn't just for PAs,” Tracey explains. “It's also a powerful resource we can offer to our patients' caregivers. By providing easy, accessible, and confidential support, we empower caregivers to better manage their own well-being, which in turn positively impacts the patient's journey."

Tracey has since provided Help Texts subscriptions to family members and friends who’ve shared overwhelmingly positive feedback including:

"I love how it texts me useful information and advice that I can actually think about. I have been recommending Help Texts to people that are going through a tough time." - Cousin, age 29, who lost both parents within 9 months

"I would definitely recommend Help Texts. I found it very helpful without being obtrusive. The topics seem straightforward, and the content is perfect in length." - Friend, age 50, who lost their father

"I don't know what I would do without these messages. Sometimes they are hard to read, but I always go back to read them again. It is just enough support." - Widow, age 53

After connecting with the Help Texts team and learning more about their services, Tracey has become a passionate advocate for expert, text-based grief and mental health support. "I believe that there is awesomeness in the simplicity of texts. As a PA with not only a demanding career but a hectic home life, I appreciate the ability to receive the info when I am able and also appreciate the succinct suggestions that arrive at just the right time. I think we all can benefit from a reminder to PAUSE AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH or to just count to five."

By embracing supportive services like Help Texts, Tracey is convinced that we can increase compassion and create a more resilient healthcare workforce, ultimately benefiting everyone – patients, families, and clinicians alike.