Should you try to take your mind off grief?
Grief can feel so big that all you want to do is run from it. You might want to sleep more, work more, scroll more — anything to feel something other than this. That desire to step back is real, and it is so normal. It does not mean you loved them any less. It means you are human, and your heart is doing what hearts do when something hurts this much.
Here is what a lot of people don't know: stepping away from grief, on purpose, is part of healing. You do not have to feel the pain every minute to be doing this right.
You are already coping in two ways
Researchers who study grief have found that people heal by moving back and forth between two things. One is sitting with the loss — crying, remembering, missing them. The other is stepping back into your life — laughing at a show, going to work, making dinner. Both matter. You need both.
So if you smiled today and then felt bad about it, please hear this: that smile was part of the work. Resting from grief is not the same as running from it. Your body and your heart already know how to do this. You are already doing it.
Is it okay to distract yourself?
Yes. Short breaks from grief are healthy. The trick is knowing the difference between resting and hiding from it forever.
If you step away to breathe and come back, that is rest. If you stay away because facing it feels too big right now — that is okay too. But over time, grief that gets pushed all the way down has a way of coming back up, sometimes harder. Our post on What Should You Avoid While Grieving? goes deeper on that.
You do not have to do this all at once. You do not have to do it perfectly. You just have to come back to it sometimes.
What actually helps?
Move your body. It sounds simple, but it works. A large review of grief research found that walking, yoga, running, and even martial arts helped people feel less anxious and less sad after a loss. People said moving their bodies gave them a place to put their feelings — and a small break from the weight of grief.
You do not need a gym. A walk around the block counts. Stretching on your floor counts. Going outside, even for ten minutes, counts. Your body is carrying a lot right now. Moving it, gently, helps it carry less.
Being outside seems to help too. A walk through trees, sitting near water, even just watching the sky — those small moments can settle something inside you. You don't have to call it healing. You can just call it a walk, or maybe you do want to call it your healing time. Whatever works for you.
You do not have to grieve alone
Other people help. A lot.
Researchers have found that bereaved people who have someone — even one person — to be around tend to feel better than those who go through it alone. And here is the part that surprises people: you do not have to talk about your grief for it to help. Sitting next to a friend. Having coffee. Watching a movie together. That is real support too.
If you have been pulling away from people, that is so normal. Grief makes us tired and quiet. But if you can let one person in, even a little, it can change how heavy this feels.
What if rest feels wrong?
A lot of grieving people feel bad for laughing, for enjoying a meal, for having a good hour. That guilt is so common. It does not mean you are doing grief wrong.
A moment of joy is not forgetting them. It is not betrayal. It is your body reminding you that you are still here. Both can be true: you can miss them deeply and still laugh with a friend while watching a movie. If you want to know more about what grief is doing to your mind and body, our post on What Is Grief? is a good place to start.
You already have what it takes to get through this, even when it does not feel like it. You are doing it right now, just by being here, just by reading this.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to want to not think about grief?
Yes. So normal. Wanting a break does not mean you didn't love them. It means you are human and you need rest.
What helps most when grief feels too big?
Small things, often. A walk. A friend. A glass of water. A nap. You do not need a big plan, just the next small thing.
Can being too busy make grief worse?
It can, if busy is the only mode. Grief needs a little room to come up and be felt. If you never let it in, it tends to wait, and grow.
How do I know if I am avoiding grief in a way that is not helping?
A gentle question to ask yourself: am I resting, or am I numb? Resting feels like relief. Numb feels like nothing at all. If most days feel far away and flat, that is worth getting some support for.
Will grief get easier if I just keep distracting myself?
Distraction helps in the moment, but grief softens through both feeling it and stepping away from it. You do not have to feel it all the time. You just have to let it visit sometimes.
Getting Support
If you need expert grief support delivered to your phone, we can help.
Citations
1. Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: rationale and description. Death studies, 23(3), 197–224. https://doi.org/10.1080/074811899201046
2. Williams, J., Shorter, G.W., Howlett, N. et al. Can Physical Activity Support Grief Outcomes in Individuals Who Have Been Bereaved? A Systematic Review. Sports Med - Open 7, 26 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40798-021-00311-z
3. Aoun, S. M., Breen, L. J., White, I., Rumbold, B., & Kellehear, A. (2018). What sources of bereavement support are perceived helpful by bereaved people and why? Empirical evidence for the compassionate communities approach. Palliative medicine, 32(8), 1378–1388. https://doi.org/10.1177/0269216318774995