The Ones Who Know Us Best: Sibling Losses
Losing a sibling can be challenging beyond words.
While we often think of primary caregivers as essential to child development and attachment, sibling relationships can also foster meaningful core belief and values for us. Sibling relationships can be complex, strong, and create lasting memories. For siblings close in age, there’s a connection in developmental milestones and similarities. When there is distance in sibling ages, there’s opportunity for familial roles and caregiving to be present. And when non-direct sibling relationships (e.g., friends, cousins, classmates) are created throughout our lifetime, bonds are formed through experiences, laughs, hardships, and connections.
When a sibling dies, it's not just the physical separation. It's also the removal of daily moments. The calls, texts, laughs, and reassurances go away. It’s the conversations that only your sibling would understand, that are lost. For adults, losing a sibling means losing a retirement buddy, support taking care of aging parents, and the ability to recall and share childhood memories. For children and adolescents, losing a sibling young can create losing a playmate and someone to read stories and share childhood with. Losing a sibling at a young age also means growing older without having someone to share in the big moments.
If you're grieving the loss of a sibling, know that all moments, big and small, can bring forth a range of grief reactions and responses. Grief can often feel controlling and overpowering, but help is out there, and it is you who's in control. Do your best to seek support that resonates for you, and can help you get those the unspeakable moments.
Dr. Jillian Blueford can be reached for collaboration, consultation, and clinician supervision (Colorado), at jillianmblueford@gmail.com or https://www.jillianblueford.com/
This contribution is dedicated to my aunt Inez and uncle Andre, who have grieved a major sibling loss with lots of love and grace.