Grief rituals are small, intentional actions that help you honor someone who died and stay connected to them. A ritual can be as simple as lighting a candle or carrying something that belonged to them, and the best ones fit your own life and beliefs.
You don’t need a formal ceremony or anyone’s permission to start one. Many people create their own rituals months or even years after a loss.
Small rituals to try
- Start a ritual routine. Drink your morning coffee with their photo nearby, or play their favorite music while you cook.
- Carry a linking object. Wear their jewelry, or turn a piece of your pet’s collar into a keychain.
- Keep a lesson in your pocket. Write down something they taught you and carry the note with you for the day.
- Make space when grief hits hard. Stop what you’re doing and let the feeling move through you instead of pushing it away.
- Include them on special days. Raise a toast to them at dinner, or add their favorite color or song to a wedding or birthday.
- Create a tradition with someone else. Cook a recipe with food they loved, or set aside one day each year to do something they enjoyed.
Why rituals help
Grief brings up feelings that are hard to put into words. A ritual gives you something to do with those feelings. It also marks the loss as real and important, even when the people around you have moved on.
Many rituals keep the person who died part of your everyday life. You can think of these as ‘ritual routines,’ because they recognize both the person’s absence and the place they still hold in your life. A ritual routine can be small, like saying good morning to them, or talking to them in the car on the way to work.
Rituals for losses others don’t recognize
Grief researcher Ken Doka uses the term “disenfranchised grief” for losses that other people don’t acknowledge. Pregnancy loss and the death of a pet are common examples. When others don’t recognize the loss, there may be no funeral or ceremony at all. A ritual can be how you honor that loss yourself.
One of my dear friends had experienced two pregnancy losses and had never had any kind of ceremony for either baby. Around a campfire one night, we each wrote messages of love on paper lanterns and burned them in the fire. For her, it was the first time anyone had marked those losses, and in that moment, it was clear to all of us that it’s never too late for a ritual.
Pet loss can work the same way. One Help Texts subscriber, Jackson, wrote to us after his dog died:
“Got keychains made, and we put some of Kojo’s ashes in the container. Kojo will now be with us everywhere we go, just like old times.”
Rituals for birthdays, holidays, and milestones
Grief is often strongest on important dates. Rituals can help soften these hard days. You might toast them at a holiday meal, wear their jewelry at your wedding, or read a letter you wrote them on their birthday.
Wynn, whose son Sean died at 21, tried a pocket ritual we sent her. She wrote back:
“Today I’m walking around with a piece of paper in my pocket that says Sean taught me patience and the meaning of true love, and in my other pocket, I have one that says my mom taught me how to pull my bootstraps up.”
Rituals you can share with someone who is grieving
Many grieving people don’t get the support they need from the people around them. In a 2021 study of adults grieving a traumatic loss, nearly 38% rated the support they received from others as poor or very poor.
Offering to do a ritual together is one way to show up. You could cook their person’s favorite meal together, or plan a yearly day to do something that person loved. Ask first, and make it easy for them to say no:
“I was thinking about doing a small ritual in honor of Kai after dinner. Would that feel supportive or hard? You don’t need to answer now.”
Frequently asked questions
What is a grief ritual?
A grief ritual is a small, intentional action that helps you honor someone who died and stay connected to them. Lighting a candle and carrying a linking object are two common examples.
Is it ever too late to start a ritual?
No. Many people create their first ritual months or years after a loss, and it can still bring relief.
Do I have to do a ritual alone?
No. You can do a ritual on your own, with one other person, or with a group. Some of the most meaningful rituals happen when someone else offers to create the space for one.