Grief looks different for everyone. There is no right way to grieve, and no timeline you need to keep. We talk more about this in our blogs The Grieving Process and What is Grief.
That said, losing a mom comes with some extra layers worth acknowledging.
What makes losing a mom different
When your mom dies, you lose more than her. You may lose:
- A link to your past — the person who remembers the stories, the recipes, the traditions, the family wisdom
- Your nurturer, your best friend, your confidante, your mentor
- A piece of your identity — you are now someone without a mom, which is a real shift, even in adulthood
- Your role in the family — when a parent dies, family dynamics often change, and so does where you fit in them
You may feel aimless. You may feel orphaned. That word can feel strange to use as a grown adult, but it is a word a lot of people reach for after a parent dies.
Even though grieving a mom can feel really lonely, it's important to know that you are not alone in this. If you are a daughter who has lost her mom, there is a community of women going through it too — Motherless Daughters has chapters and groups across the country. If you are a son who has lost your mom, there are groups for you as well. If you want something more private to start, Healing the Adult Child's Grieving Heart by Alan Wolfelt is a short, practical read. You can always text us asking for more resources too! We are here to help.
Ways to stay connected to your mom
Here are some intentional ways to keep your connection present with your mom:
- Meditation
- Talking to her, in your head or out loud
- Writing to her
- Singing her favorite songs
- Making her favorite recipes
- Keeping her traditions, or starting new ones in her honor
- Doing something in her name
- Looking at photos, listening to voicemails, watching videos, rereading texts
- Naming people, places, or things after her
- Planting a garden, flowers, or a tree
- Learning more about her childhood and young adult life
- Carrying a life lesson she taught you with you each day
- Volunteering or activism in her memory
These are all options that can help you feel connected to your mom. You might even have some of your own special ways to stay bonded that aren't on this list. There is no right or wrong way to keep her memory alive.
The hard dates
There are some days you can count on being hard. Mother's Day. Her birthday. Your birthday. The anniversary of her death. The big family holidays.
One these days, it can help to have a plan for them rather than trying to power through the day. You have permission to skip these days if you need to. You have permission to mark them however you want. Some people find rituals that help. Things like wearing her favorite color, eating her favorite treat, toasting to her, doing a random act of kindness in her name. The rituals you can create and take part of are endless and they only need to feel meaningful to you.
Losing a mom at any age is hard. The way you miss her, honor her, and build rituals that include her is how she gets to stay present with you.
If you know someone who’s grieving, consider inviting them to learn more about Help Texts’ Grief Support or share this article with them.
Grief is hard. 💔 We can help. 🩵