Honoring Lives, Not Just Losses: Supporting Overdose Grief
August 31st is International Overdose Awareness Day. It is a day to remember those we have lost to overdose and to stand alongside those who are grieving. For me, this day holds personal weight. My stepmother, Sherry, died of an overdose in January 2007. I was 23-years-old.
I cannot count the number of times I heard comments like, “She was an addict. She deserved it.” or “What did she think would happen?” After her death, I often felt not only grief, but also the heavy burden of stigma. When people learned how she died, I was met with pity or probing questions about how hard it must have been to grow up with addicted parents.
It was hard, yes, but what most people missed is that my mom was so much more than her addiction.
She was a mother. A wife. She kept a house so clean you could literally eat off the floors. She was a gifted cook who could prepare meals better than most chefs in fine restaurants, seemingly without effort. She was hilarious. She loved deeply. She laughed often. Her life cannot and should not be reduced to the way it ended. Addiction was a disease she lived with, not her identity.
When she died, most people around me did not know what to say. Some said hurtful things. Others said nothing at all. And that silence can cut just as deeply as the stigma.
What to Say to Someone Grieving an Overdose
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Acknowledge the loss without judgment. Say, “I am sad to hear about your stepmom. She mattered, and I know you miss her.” Simple, honest words are better than silence.
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Use their loved one’s name. Names bring humanity back into the conversation. “What do you miss most about Sherry?” is often more comforting than broad sympathy.
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Validate the complexity. You might say, “I imagine this is a complicated kind of grief. I am here to listen if you want to share.” This recognizes that overdose grief can carry layers of stigma, anger, and love all at once.
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Remember their person beyond their death. Ask about their loved one’s hobbies, quirks, or traditions. Help keep their memory alive in ways not defined by addiction.
What Not to Say
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“They did this to themselves.” Addiction is not a moral failure. It is a disease. Comments like this dehumanize the person who died and wound those who grieve them.
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“You must be relieved.” Even if addiction strained relationships, assuming relief is deeply invalidating.
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“I know how you feel.” Unless you have also lost someone to overdose, avoid comparisons. Each grief experience is unique.
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Avoid silence. Grievers notice when their loved one’s name is never spoken again.
How to Show Up
Supporting someone grieving an overdose means holding space for both love and pain. It means remembering their person not only for how they died, but also for how they lived. It means recognizing addiction as an illness, not a moral flaw.
On this Overdose Awareness Day, I remember my stepmother for her laughter, her thoughtfulness, her love. And I invite you to do the same for those in your life who have been lost. Speak their names, honor their lives, and support their loved ones with compassion.
If you or someone you love is grieving an overdose, or if you want to know how to support someone who is, Help Texts can walk alongside you. We offer ongoing grief support by text message that includes gentle reminders, coping tips, and supportive guidance for both grievers and supporters. Subscriptions start at just $9.99: helptexts.com/get-help-texts/grief
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